Posted by
Eric on Wednesday, November 25, 2009 9:52:31 PM
After putting Al Gore into a Hypnosis and probing the deepest recesses of his mind, I found some startling new discoveries, and a back story that nobody has heard. In fact, this explains his entire life and the event's leading to today. And here it is....
It all began on the planet of Goritan where little Al Gore was born, known as Kal-Bel on his planet to his parents Dore Bel and Laura. His parents knew of the impending doom of their planet from Reality Shows and Code Pink and devised a small spacecraft to save their little Kal-Bel. As they take off the Planet explodes after their leaders got too annoyed from TV and Code Pink and took the easy way out. Kal-Bel's parents both perished after realizing that they forgot their ID's and proceeded back into the explosion. Little Kal Bel's spacecraft made it's way to a little known planet of Earth and landed outside of Washington D.C, where he would change the face of the nation, the world, the Milky Way, the Galaxy, the Universe, the Cosmos, Reality, and Utah.
It was when Albert Gore Sr, a Representative and soon to be Senator in Tennessee found little Kal-Bel and took him as his own. Running through the wreckage he could discern some writing on a sheet of paper, coincidently in English, from this little alien babies parental units. It read "This is Kal-Bel from the planet Goritan. Our planet has been destroyed and our son is seeking refuge and a new life. I urge whomever reads this note to take him as your own and give him a good life. We should warn you though, each one of us Goritans' have but one weakness: Common Sense. Make sure you grow little Kal-Bel in a common sense free environment and he will prevail at whatever venue he seeks." Mr. Gore looked puzzled, but saw potential in this one. So, they took him home and called him Albert Jr. or Al for all who now know him.
Al Gore would soon learn of his weakness by his father, who suggested that if he were ever to follow his footsteps, he should agree with the hippies that would soon run America. Whenever Gore did something of common sense, his body would seize up, and actions could not be taken. Therefore as Gore got older he went to Harvard. During his final years Gore was worried about being drafted for Viatnam, and hated the troops for what they were doing, so he voluntered and was eventually sent over. His weakness overcame him when he realized his war stance was wrong entirely and witnessed the Southern Viatnamese civilians longing for freedom. He would later receive an honorable discharge.
Gore grew into politics and eventually became VP to former president Fly-Down Clinton. It was during the first Bush administration that Gore realized he would throw the most nonsensical insinuations so his arch nemesis common sense would not get the best of him. Global Warming. This theory made him feel good all over. Also trying to take credit for the internet had him feeling euphoric. His statements of Clinton being innocent also did not hurt him. He knew how to thwart common sense.
After this came the 2000 presidential run and the infamous "recount" which spawned a movie. Need I say more?
The later years consisted of Al Gore trying to gain as much attention as possible and in whatever way possible. He could not get enough of the spotlight and during the 2004 election year endorsed Howard YAAAAAHHH Dean, who in some ways is certifiably insane. Around 2006, when Gore decided to play among the fears of millions, An Inconvenient Truth came out, a film riddled with inconsistencies and false truths. He shamed common sense and would use this film to brainwash millions across the globe. He originally thought of creating a movie of how bigfoot had an technologically advanced underground civilization and would play pranks on humans in forests, but he remembered the hysteria global cooling resulting in a potential ice age had and decided in another fell swoop to try to gain as much power and money as possible. He would never dream that the UN would so bow down to his antics that they would tell developing countries how to develop their way, or else they would be doomed. Winning the Nobel Peace Prize for a made up theory fed his ego and showed the ineptitude of the Nobel Peace committee. He loves teachers who show his movie and don't allow any criticism. He goes around and makes hundreds of thousands just for giving very boring power points in a very robotic fashion. Al Gore also secretly wrote how humorous it is to fly around in a jet while living in a mansion and his followers would never question his motives, or the fact he never allows debates on the subject. But recently his arch nemesis common sense has made a return. His pawn scientists emails were hacked and were made public, something that would seriously hurt the global warming cause. More scientists are coming out against global warming and the public support is falling. Gore is certainly frightened at this prospect. If he loses his cult following and is shamed by the inconsistencies and hypocricies shown by global warming enthusiasts and the creator Gore, he could never make something so crazy up again and gain support. Gore has been happy that common sense has left the white house and other countries' leaders, but it seems common sense has found a way to thwart Gore, through the internet, through mother nature, through scientists who are actually scientists, and factual data given by nonpartisan scientists.
Watch out Gore. Looks like Earth may not end up like Goritan!