Posted by
Eric on Wednesday, February 04, 2009 4:08:00 PM
My name is Hip O Crite. Just woke up with a huge headache and throbbing prostate from that all night orgy my friends and I had. 7:30 AM. Hmmm. How about we say a prayer to the Messiah, Obama.
Dear Lord Almighty Obama, the man whom has descended from the heavens and parted the great lakes, Please continue to move our country towards socialism, where everyone is equal, and the evil rich people with all their money will not have all the power in this land. Just because rich people create jobs, or have worked their way up, as many people in America are there for, the American dream, they are still evil. Spread the wealth is where we need to go. Give money to people who pay no taxes at all. We want to live like the U.S.S.R. It was all conservative lies that the former USSR citizens were unhappy. Continue to make the Muslims love us, as in Iraq, where the rivers are made of chocolate and gumdrop trees flourish and children dance and sing with lollypops made of love. Muslims are really the peaceful ones, while Christians are the people leading Jihads against America. Make those evil extremists Christians love us homosexuals and bisexuals. Homosexuality is seen in animals, so that makes it okay in humans. We came from chimpanzees anyway because Darwin said so. Obama, please regulate all the evil corporations and industries that pollute, because Al Gore said global warming was real, and ice caps are melting, the ocean could rise and civilization as we know it could cease to exist. We will fry from the sun, have huge tsunamis, earthquakes, tornados, avalanches, blizzards, snowfall, floods, famine, volcano eruptions, hurricanes, tropical storms, thunderstorms, aliens attacking, conservatives shooting people, bigfoot voting for republicans, everybody converted to Christianity, small government, icecicle's impaling people from mountain yeti's, the dead rising, and an ice age. Tax everybody heavily, so that no more CO2 could be expelled into the air and the earth would be saved. Continue your quest for killing unborn babies, because they are not human, but lets keep protecting terrorists. They aren't really terrorists anyway, they are militants. After saying sorry to the people who commited 9/11, I'm sure they will love us and stop saying death to America. Continue teaching kindergarteners how to put condoms on so when they run out they can just abort their mistake. In fact, lets teach everybody pre-marital sex is good, and only loosers remain abstanite till marriage. With abortion, sex has no consequences and that is what we want. A non-responsible life with free paychecks in the mail. That is why you are president Mr. Obama. We pray to continue a vengeful quest of persecuting Bush for our hatred of him. Even if they can't find anything to prosecute him, we know hes guilty. And last but not least, please pass your stimulus bill. We know that raising taxes and creating huge inflation and the largest pork bill in U.S. history is the only way out.
This we pray to you Obama, who should rule America for ever and have huge statues created after yourself. You are immune to the disease of bipartizanship, and only vote democrat. For that we thank you, and continue to persecute those who disagree with you, and have the media sick them. You are the messiah. Every word that comes out of your mouth is like a blinding brilliant light from heaven. In your name we pray. Obamen.
I can see a liberal praying this. I hope you liked the satire, and I just added the homosexuality thing because of Prop 8 and the craziness that ensued. Also, I have noticed that the athiest liberals really come after us Christians, who just want to tell people of the message of Jesus, the most wonderful man, son of God, who has graced this earth, which I see some of them want to do away with Christianity altogether. Hmm, didn't work so well in the Soviet Union did it?